The Western Lands and All That Really Matters

Welcome to a world of weak magic, equality between species, stupidly long names, and way töö mänÿ ümläüts. The Western Lands and All That Really Matters is a fun, fresh, humorous fantasy series from Andrew Einspruch that’s winning over fans of all ages.

The Wombanditos

Prequel Novelette

 

A slightly OCD princess.

Her best friend, a chipmunk.

A stolen journey that goes awry.

Princess Eloise Hydra Gumball III is Future Ruler and Heir to the Western Lands and All That Really Matters, and Court life is closing in on her. So when her friend Jerome (a chipmunk) suggests they sneak away for the day, she pushes down her “habits” and says yes. It’s amazing. And then it isn’t.

The Wombanditos is a humorous novella set in a unique fantasy world that features weak magic, equality between species, stupidly long names, and wäy töö mänÿ ümläüts. It’s a funny and witty prequel novelette to the Western Lands and All That Really Matters series. If you like quirky, clever characters, lively dialog, and a fun fantasy setting, then you’ll love this book from Andrew Einspruch.

The Star of Whatever

Book Two

 

The slightly OCD princess was doing just fine, thanks.

Then she got thrown to her death.

That might have put a crimp in things.

Princess Eloise, Future Ruler and Heir to the Western Lands and All That Really Matters, swallowed back her “habits” and went after her missing twin sister.

She found her.

Awesome!

And then they both got chucked into the mysterious, magical, deadly Purple Haze.

Less awesome!

While her champion (a nervous, yammering chipmunk) and her guard (the human incarnation of rectitude) rot in prison and her two horses desperately try to find some way to help, Eloise and her sister go deeper into the Purple Haze to discover the source of the inner tug they both feel.

The Star of Whatever (book two of The Western Lands and All That Really Matters series) is a humorous, Discworld-ish novel set in a world of weak magic, talking animals, stupidly long names, and wäÿ töö mänÿ ümläüts. If you like quirky, clever characters, lively dialog, and fun, ripping yarns, then you’ll love this fabulous second novel from Andrew Einspruch.

The Thorning Ceremony

Prequel Novel

 

A slightly OCD princess.

Her ambitious twin sister.

And the worst rite of passage in the history of all the realms. 

Princess Eloise Hydra Gumball III is on track to become the Future Ruler and Heir to the Western Lands and All That Really Matters. That is, if she can survive the gruelling training of the demanding Thorning Master, stave off her sister’s desires to take on the role, and get through the horrific Thorning Ceremony.

The Thorning Ceremony is a humorous story set in a unique fantasy world that features weak magic, equality between species, stupidly long names, and wäÿ töö mänÿ ümläüts. It’s a funny and witty standalone prequel novel to the Western Lands and All That Really Matters series that takes place three years before book one, The Purple Haze. If you like quirky, clever characters, lively dialog, and a fun Discworld-ish fantasy setting, then you’ll love this book from Andrew Einspruch.

The Purple Haze

Book One

No one returns when they fall into the fog. Can she break the spell and save her sister?

Princess Eloise Hydra Gumball III is all about peace, love, and being a little OCD. As the meticulous Future Ruler and Heir with an almost-useless magical gift, she’s totally over the toxic pressure of her impending rise to the throne. But when a prophecy points to her royal twin’s peril, a simple quest with her chattering chipmunk champion becomes a complicated journey that could send her to her doom.

Utterly out of her comfort zone, Eloise’s clumsy attempt to extract information from a stern queen descends into a fuzzy night of free-spirited fun. But the noble high turns into a depressing downer when a fatal seabound discovery brings her face-to-face with a kingdom split by a treacherous violet mist.

Can Eloise find her sister and her own strength before they’re caught in a killer cloud?

The Purple Haze is the first book in the hilarious Western Lands and All That Really Matters fantasy series. If you like tongue-in-cheek humor, vivid medieval worlds, and clever cultural references, then you’ll love Andrew Einspruch’s playful adventure.

Buy The Purple Haze to get lost in a murky mystery today!

The Light Bearer

Book Three

 

The slightly OCD princess was finally headed home.

Then the felon escaped after kidnapping her champion.

Home would have to wait.

Princess Eloise, Future Ruler and Heir to the Western Lands and All That Really Matters, was transporting the jester who’d killed a king back home to face justice.

Fair enough.

But when he escapes (taking Eloise’s chipmunk champion with him), Eloise, her guard, and her horse companions must traverse two realms to try to get him back.

The Light Bearer (book three of The Western Lands and All That Really Matters series) is a humorous, Discworld-ish novel set in a world of weak magic, talking animals, stupidly long names, and wäÿ töö mänÿ ümläüts. If you like quirky, clever characters, lively dialog, and fun, ripping yarns, then you’ll love this fabulous third novel from Andrew Einspruch.

Get The Light Bearer today and dive into the freshest fantasy series in years.